The Finding

I go through a lot of dry prayer, a lot of empty feeling, and that's what the finding of the child Jesus makes me think of. When in dry prayer I tend to start feeling hopeless. I push the thought away over and over but it always springs back trying to overtake my heart. Maybe that's what Mary and Joseph began feeling. Maybe they began to fear and give up but those thoughts could not have lasted more than a moment; the deep rooted, fierce love for their child would have quickly doused all such lies. They loved Him and so kept up the search for Him and were rewarded with great joy. Likewise, when in dry prayer, we must keep searching, looking, fighting for our Lord because of Love. He loves us and we adore Him. As Thrice's song The Weight says, "Come what may I won't abandon you or leave you behind because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment." Nobody said it would be easy but the fight is so completely worth it. Think of the joy in those brief moments of intimacy in adoration or communion. Now imagine that magnified for eternity. That's what we're fighting for.

Violet.

I'm the kind of person who get discouraged very easily: one bad grade, one harsh criticism and all of a sudden any hope I had of excelling in that field is over. I have never been the best -- or even particularly good -- at anything and it would always get me down but now I'm starting to see things differently. It doesn't matter if I'm the best; it doesn't matter if I'm praised or recognized. It only matters if I add a little bit of beauty, all that I can, with my life. Think of a violet. It's a tiny little thing, not particularly beautiful, not particularly important but it still adds beauty.

Lord, I offer it and hope someday to glorify You not as the great, gorgeous sunflower or the classicly beautiful and lovely rose but as a violet; small and not noticed but still beautifying, still sweetly perfuming the air. Your will be done.

Consecration.

This past weekend I consecrated myself to Mary.  Has it made me perfect? Has it made me more virtuous? Not noticeably. I've stressed over finals, stressed over myself and my bad habits and I have fallen again and again. But I have felt a more tangible relationship to my Mother and security in running to her. She's been gently pushing me to go to adoration more and call on her Son in times of great stress.
My Mother, my guide, my protectress, I give myself totally and completely to you and your Son.

What hurts?

Standing in the line for confession, my friend Joe leaned over and said, "Here's your chance to hear Jesus. Tell Him what hurts."
I stopped. I felt like crying. Me? Loved like that? Yes, I know that Christ became man for me, He saved me, He loves me. But to embrace the idea of being loved so much that even trivial matters are important and cared for... I stop short every time.

My Jesus, I know You love me personally and intimately; You love me, Liz, not me, created human soul #5 trillion. It's a personal knowledge. Jesus, I know the more I open my heart to You and allow You to embrace, conquer and rule it, the more deeply in love I will fall and more grounded I will become. I am Yours -- take me.

Simple Child

""Children do no inspire terror or aversion, but attachment and love" says St. Peter Chrysologus. It seems that children know not how to be angry; and if perchance at odd times they should be irritated, they are easily soothed; one has only to give them a fruit, a flower, or bestow on them a caress, or utter a kind word to them, and they have already forgiven and forgotten every offense.

    A tear of repentance, one act of heart-felt contrition, is enough to appease the Infant Jesus. "You know the tempers of children," pursues St. Thomas of Villanova; "a single tear pacifies them, the offense is forgotten. Approach, then, to Him while he is a little one, while he would seem to have forgotten his majesty, and appears as a child to inspire us with more courage to approach his feet."

- St. Alphonsus De Liguori

How simple He is; how peaceful.

Lord Jesus, teach me to empty myself.

"As for Mary, she treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart."

"His Mother stored up all these things in her heart."

I want my heart to be like Mary's -- a garden of all things good and a resting place for You. Oh, if only my heart could be as white as snow, as pure as possible so that You, my Lord, may delight in it. If only my heart ever perfumed the air with cries of love for You so that every beat of my heart was a testament of my love. Teach me, sweet Mother, to love as you do.

Mystical Rose

Who Am I?

I am the one You saved. I am the one You love.
I am the one who was thought of and brought into being by the Father, the Lord and Master of all.
If this is who I am, I must then have a purpose; some end that makes all of this pain and confusion worthwhile.
My Lord, I have no idea what I am meant to do with my life but I know, by clinging to You,  I will fill my part in Your plan.

"Pray for us sinners...."

Matthew and I were praying a rosary together last night and I really focused in on the request "pray for us sinners". This line is always more powerful for me when I'm praying it in a group (pray for "us" this family, school, nation...etc) but since Matthew and I were praying together I was asking particularly for our relationship.
"Pray for us sinners so that we may love each other with a deep, Christ like love. Help us sinners see each other as Christ does and so love. Help us love each other more worthily. Mother, in your love for us sinners, please pray for us."
We may say that we love the other but it's impossible to love him as much as Christ does. Only He can teach us how to love as we ought.

Old English and Latin.

In Praise of Mary
-Anonymous-

Of one that is so fair and bright,

Velut maris stella,

Brighter than the dayes light,

Parens et puella,

I cry to thee: thou see to me!

Lady, pray thy son for me,

Tam pia,

That I mote* come to thee 

Maria

Lady, flower of alle thing,
Rosa sine spina,
Thou bore Jesu, heavenes king,
Gratia divina.
Of alle thou bearst the prize,
Lady, queen of Paradise,
Electa.
Maide milde mother is
Effecta.

Of care conseil thou art best,
Felix fecundata,
Of alle weary thou art rest,
Mater honorata.
Beseech him with milde mood*
That for us alle shed his blood
In cruce
That we moten come to him 
In luce.

All this world were forlore*
Eva peccatrice,
Till our Loverd* was y-bore
De te genetrice.
With 'Ave' it went away
Thuster* night, and com'th the day
Salutis.
The welle springeth out of thee
Virtutis.

Well he wot he it thy son
Ventre quem portasti;
He will not werne* thee thy boon,
Parvum quem lactasti.
So hende* and so good he is,
He haveth brought us to bliss
Superni,
That hath y-dit* the foule pit
Inferni.

* may * gentle heart * would have been lost * Lord * dark * deny * gracious * shut

Anchored.

"Dementia may be a process that eats away at who I am, leaving an emptiness. But I will never be empty, because God will continually fill the spaces with His presence; with love, mercy, forgiveness, peace." 

- Bruce Bane in his post "God is Within"

That post really comforted me and reminded me of something my mom said to my grandma when she was struggling with Alzheimers and getting frustrated because she couldn't remember anything. She was looking at the picture from her wedding day hanging on the wall but could not remember the day or even that she had been married or recognize herself in the photo. My mom -- through tears -- said, "But He has them (the memories) and you'll get them back. You'll never be lost to Him."

This reminds me of the comfort I find in the Glory Be "... as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be..." He ever shall be strong, loving, faithful and unchanging.  Just as an anchor holds a ship steady amidst wild storms and angry winds, so our God is our solid, unmoving anchor in whirling passions, changing emotions and unstable situations making up the storm of this world.

Wild.

I was falling asleep in one of my literature classes when my teacher said something that caught my attention: "God is wild. You never know what He's gonna do." 

...God? Wild? What? Wild in this case doesn't mean irrational, disordered, or random but extravagant, fantastic, wonderful and simply out of this world. Some may use 'uncontrolled' and 'reckless' interchangeably with 'wild', and in some ways this makes sense; to one who does not understand the way the universe works, a sudden thunderstorm or a funny looking animal would seem like a random mistake. As my teacher said, we never know what He's going to do; we can not fully understand the ways of the infinite One, but, we can know they are perfect. He can not fit into a box. He cannot be defined and restricted by us; He is wild, our God.

I thought of this during Mass. "Wow. The God of all creation allows us to consume Him; the most holy and perfect One appears as bread and wine. It's crazy...it's wonderful...it's wild." Our King -- because of a passionate, burning love -- breaks all bounds, restrictions and limits to be with His beloved. How wild is that?

St. Teresa's Bookmark

Yes.

"Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words."

- The Fox (Till We Have Faces, C.S. Lewis)

Wisdom & Gentleness.

Don't you just love when the readings of Mass speak perfectly to your current situation? That's what happened to me yesterday. 

"Let us beset the just one, because he is obnoxious to us;... with revilement and torture let us put him to the test that we may have proof of his gentleness and try his patience."

 -Wisdom 2:12&19

Anybody can be gentle in the calm times but it is not until one is pressed and prodded, tempted and attacked, can virtue be 'proven'. It's a gift, really. If God never gave us hard times -- never pushed us to the limit -- it would be very difficult to perfect and better ourselves.

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every foul practice. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure, then peaceable, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without inconstancy or insincerity. ... Where do the wars and where do the conflicts among you come from?Is it not from your passions that make war within your members?" 

-James 3:16-17, 4:1

I do not know how loved I am. I do not know how precious each and every person is in Your sight. Your wisdom purifies and bring peace through clarity. Wisdom allows us to see the world as it really is; it allows us to understand Truths which lead us to a fuller understanding of the reality in which we live. The more we know of the laws that govern our world, the better we will be able to live in it. "..without inconstancy or insincerity." Who doesn't want that? This world is hectic and crazy; full of fallen, unreliable people. Truth is the beautiful, solid, untainted bond that holds everything together and makes it work. 

How incredible it is that we creatures are able to participate in such glory. How amazing that we are able to grasp bits and pieces of Truth. Wow. We are so fallen! We are dirt but we have been given the beautiful and glorious gift of an intellect. Knowledge raises up to the one we are knowing -- words cannot describe how awesome this is. ( I'll try to keep this in mind next time I am faced with a pile of homework :P )

Words..

It is silent. I am aware only of myself and Your presence surrounding me, circling me, capturing me. Nothing else matters. I do not have the words to say; my mind is empty, unable to describe You or  explain the worries of my heart. But they are not needed. I am Your handiwork, I am Your creature. My heart is wholly Yours.

Who Do You Say That I Am?

 'But you,' he asked them, 'who do you say I am?' - Mark 8:29
Who do you say He is? Do you see Him as Judge? Friend? Lover? Protector? The homily I heard this morning was on that topic. The priest said he meets many Catholics who know all the rules and don't cross the lines but they don't know who He is. People don't understand. Some people will think of Him as the one "out to get them"; they fear confession and only see Him as Judge. Others think they can lead a double life of pious prayer and heavy drinking and Jesus will let it slide because.. He's cool like that. 
Jesus is a person. Not just some far-off distant deity. He's a personal God who wants us to know Him. Who do I say that He is? My Beloved. Do I fail Him? Yes. Do I talk to Him as much as I ought? No. But will I ever love another so much? Will anybody else satisfy the longing of my heart as well? Never. It's a relationship and it's hard  but "true love is a choice" after all. He is deffinitly worth fighting for.

On Hope...

”A sinner cannot outrage the Deity more than by despairing of Divine mercy on account of the number and enormity of his crimes; for God's clemency is far greater than the iniquity and guilt of an entire world . . . Of God's mercy never despair.”

-Venerable Blosius

”Whenever you find yourself inclined to diffidence, lift up your heart lovingly to God, and be assured that your defects are, in the sight of His infinite goodness, but as a few threads of tow cast into a sea of fire. Figure to yourself a burning surface, as vast as the hemisphere we inhabit; if a piece of tow were thrown into it, would it not be so absorbed in the fire as instantly to disappear? "Our God is a consuming fire," and our imperfections, compared with His goodness, are what a piece of tow is to the furnace. When, therefore, we have fallen, let us humble ourselves sorrowfully in His presence, and then, with an act of unbounded confidence, let us throw ourselves into the ocean of His goodness, where every. failing will be canceled, and anxiety will be turned into love.”

-Saint Paul of the Cross

”As a mother delights in taking her child on her knees, in caressing and feeding him, so does our God delight in treating with love and tenderness those souls who give themselves entirely to Him, and place all their hopes in His goodness and bounty.”

-Saint Alphonsus Liguori, Doctor of the Church

It is beautiful

"It is beautiful. 'The beauty of creation explains the infinite beauty of the Creator.' (CCC 341) The doctrine of creation explains why we find nature so beautiful and satisfying, why it moves us so and makes us happy."

- Peter J. Kreeft 'Catholic Christianity'

Dry Prayer?

"Good is the Lord to one who waits for Him; to the soul that seeks Him. It is good to hope in silence for the saving help of the Lord." 

- Lamentations 3:25-26

Love of the Lamb.

Isn't the image of a lamb so beautiful? Not only should it bring to mind our Lord who gave Himself up as a gentle lamb for our sins, but it also should serve as a reminder of how one should act. A lamb represents gentleness, purity and a willingness to be led; He is our shepherd, we are His lambs. Lord, help me to die to myself daily and so imitate You, the sacrificial lamb.

Stepping Stones..

In this painting St. Francis has one foot on the world, the other firmly planted by the foot of the cross and he is reaching out, holding onto Christ crucified. I adore this painting. It shows so well how tiny our earthly lives are in the big picture; how short our life span is in comparison to eternity. Look how tiny, insignificant and almost unnoticeable the world is next to Christ and the deep, deep love between Him and the saint. One must struggle and fight through this world, but, the reward is well worth the pain.

Sweet Lord, this world is nothing but a stepping stone on the path to eternal life. This world will test me, try me, refine me so that I may more worthily enter Your kingdom.

Silently Adoring

Prayer isn't always in beautiful, perfectly articulated words or lengthy speeches. Sometimes prayer is just the silent amazement of one trying to grasp the greatness of He who is infinite; trying to understand a love stronger, fiercer and more tender than can be found in this world. It is enough simply to be in His presence, silently adoring.

Who Is Best Off?

Today I moved in to my dorm, found out how much I really do dislike new settings, and was reminded that God really will take care of me. The task of moving into my dorm stressed me out and even after I was all unpacked I was still uncomfortable, then my parents left, I had to fill out more paper work and I was on the verge of tears "What am I thinking!? I can't do this!" I felt panicked, scared and upset; so much so that I couldn't face the cafeteria for dinner but instead went one of the smaller chapels on campus to pray. 

This chapel is quite tiny so it's rare to find it empty, but, lo and behold, I opened the door and found it empty. Just me and Him; close and intimate. I almost started crying out of relief. For some reason I had been not turning to God in prayer at all the past few weeks but that time in adoration made me feel like the prodigal son; I was home, I had returned, I was accepted. I cried during most of my time in the chapel but it was good. 

I went to adoration a second time in the dorm chapel and, while I didn't spend a long time, I found even more comfort:

"You are wretched wherever you are and no matter which way you turn - unless your turning is to God. Why are you easily upset just because things do not go your way?

Who is there that gets his or her own way all the time? Neither you, nor I, nor anybody for there is no one in this world without troubles or difficulties whether that person is a king or the Pope. Who is best off? Only the one who is willing to suffer something for the love God."

- The Imitation of Christ, Thomas A. Kempis

Sweet Love, I offer to you my every fear about this up coming school year. You have a plan for me and You have given me just a taste of the blessings and growth that You grant through this school. I offer my stress, my nervousness and my lack of comfort. This is for You - it's all for You. My Love, how beautiful You are!

Buona Festa!

Happy Feast of the Assumption!

"Men do not fear a powerful hostile army as the powers of hell fear the name and protection of Mary."
--St. Bonaventure

"Before, by yourself, you couldn't. Now, you've turned to our Lady, and with her, how easy!"
--St. Josemaria Escriva

"If you invoke the Blessed Virgin when you are tempted, she will come at once to your help, and Satan will leave you."
--St. John Vianney

"If you ever feel distressed during your day — call upon our Lady — just say this simple prayer: 'Mary, Mother of Jesus, please be a mother to me now.' I must admit — this prayer has never failed me."
--Blessed Mother Teresa 

"So your strength is failing you? Why don't you tell your mother about it? . . . Mother! Call her with a loud voice. She is listening to you; she sees you in danger, perhaps, and she—your holy mother Mary—offers you, along with the grace of her son, the refuge of her arms, the tenderness of her embrace . . . and you will find yourself with added strength for the new battle."
--St. Josemaria Escriva

"Only after the Last Judgment will Mary get any rest; from now until then, she is much too busy with her children."
--St. John Vianney

If you're interested, this page has many many more quotes about Mary.

Have a wonderful day and God Bless!

Well you exist, don't you?

I cannot determine or decide my own worth. Nothing I could ever do (or not do) on this earth could decrease my value as His creation. God created me; simple as that. He didn't have to but He chose to. I was thought of, I was formed and I was made. Even as I type this I feel as though I'm battling the voices in my head "proud! vain! how dare you think you have any worth. What have you done!?" Well.. who cares what I have done? It's all about what He has done. I am nothing. The vanity is in thinking I could become good enough for His love; to think I could become worthy of Him. I am nothing but He is everything. So much freedom is found in admitting that I am a sinner and a failure but He knows that.. and He brought me into this world anyway.

So the answer to the question "Why should I try? Why can't I just give up?" is answered simply 'Because you are here.' I exist therefore I am loved and I have purpose. It is an unavoidable, logical, solid, wonderful Truth... that I always seem to forget.

be calm

Mystical Rose

One of my favorite titles of our Lady is the Mystical Rose. She has so many lovely and fitting titles but this one has just stuck with me. The image of rose calls to mind her beauty, not flashy and calling attention to itself, but gentle and subtle until one notices and wonders how they over looked such beauty. The rose is simple and delicate, like our Lady, but is also has strength because of the thorns. Mary never claimed any strength in herself but humbly surrendered to the great strength and power God chose to display through her while on earth and then grant to her as the Queen of Heaven and Mediatrix of All Graces. The word 'mystical' makes me think of her intimate relationship with the Trinity as Mother of God and Spouse of the Holy Spirit. I also especially connect this title with her purity, chastity and total selfless surrender to our God; the rose does not make itself beautiful, rather, it is cared for by the gardener just as Mary who allowed herself to be wholly shaped by our Lord and in doing so returned all the glory to the One who made her so.

Because...

"The Christian does not think God will love us  

because we are good, 

but that God will make us good  

because He loves us." 

- C.S. Lewis

Hallelujah

God has really been helping me through music lately. He's reminding me that I am not alone in what I'm feeling and He loves no matter what.

At first I am afraid but not because of fearBut the Holy of Holies is drawing me nearYour voice like thunder shakes the ground I'm on
So hide my face in the shadow of Your wings, oh LordHide my sin from the beauty here before Your throne, Your throne

Hallelujah for the blood of the Lamb that was slainHallelujah for the blood of the Lamb that was slainAnd so we enter in to see Your face, yeahEnter in to see Your face, oh God

Well, I'm falling to my knees, I feel the earth beneathWith the weight of my sin and this crushing unbeliefCould You really love me with all that I've done, oh Lord?

So hide my face in the shadow of Your wings, oh LordHide my sin from the beauty here before Your throneHide my face in the shadow of Your wings, oh LordHide my sin from the beauty here before Your throne...You spread Your hands and made a refugeFor the weak and blessed, the weary, bruised and brokenTook our sin inside Your wounds we hide awayInside Your wounds we hideHallelujah for the blood of the Lamb that was slainHallelujah for the blood of the Lamb that was slainAnd so we enter in to see Your face, yeahEnter in to see Your face, oh God- Tenth Avenue North

Nobody Loves Me Like You

I was struggling with something. 
I was starting to feel really upset and angry with myself and so I began planning to binge because it fit how I was feeling; worthless. Just then the song "Nobody Loves Me Like You" by Jars of Clay came on the radio. 

It hit me. I was looking for comfort in something I know I shouldn't have and was mad at myself for displeasing God; my thought process went no further. I wasn't thinking about how He loves! I wasn't thinking that He cares about me and isn't mad at me for getting upset. He wants me to stay away from certain things because He loves me. I had been getting into the mind set of only doing things to show I love Him but wasn't thinking of the other half; I wasn't thinking of His love. He wants me to do certain things because He loves me and knows I will only have perfect happiness in Him. He cares. Nobody could ever love me as fiercely or want my happiness like He does. It's often very hard for me to accept being loved or cared about but...He said so. He died. He is ever present in the Eucharist. He is Truth. He is my security and safety.
...it's going to be okay.

One Thing.

One Thing by: Jonny Diaz
I bought my ticket and I paid in cash
I thought that this time the ride would last
And lead me to what I am looking for

I see the world as it rushes by
But nothing new is grabbing my eye
Just everything that I have tried before

Maybe I've been looking in the wrong place
Maybe I've been thinking that the world will
Fill me up full enough but it never works that way

There is just one thing that fills me up
One thing that's true
There is just one thing that satisfies
That one thing is You

Show me everything I did not see
While I was searching the world for what was right in front of me
So much wasted wasting time

I see that I've been headed down the wrong track
Now I don't wanna ever go back
To the way it was all because
You're all I'll ever need

I'm tired of settling for this world and its bitter dreams
There's nothing here that satisfies like You 
- One Thing, Jonny Diaz


I was listening to that song today and even though "There is just one thing that satisfies, that one thing is You" may seem like an obvious statement, I don't think I can be reminded of it enough. I got into a bad mood today and sat on the computer watching YouTube videos and doing some online window shopping; but the whole time I just felt a tugging at my heart to pray my daily rosary. I kept ignoring it thinking "I'll pray it later." but then it hit me. I was struck with the foolishness of trying to find comfort from mind numbing videos "Do I really think this will make me feel any better?" I want more. I need more. Nothing in this world can possibly satisfy me or relieve my pain except God. Sure, God may send  people or situations to cheer me up but my turning to material goods like food or clothes for comfort is pretty ridiculous. How can I satisfy the yearnings of my immortal soul with something as temporary and unsubstantial as a piece of clothing or a bowl of ice cream? "The Lord's my Shepard, I shall not want." He is my only comfort and the only thing that will ever satisfy.

How Great is Our God?

"Who has cupped in His hand the waters of the sea, and marked off the heavens with a span? Who has held in a measure the dust of the earth, weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance?...To whom can you liken God? With what equal can you confront Him?...Do you not know or have you not heard? The Lord is the eternal God, creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow faint nor weary, and His knowledge is beyond scrutiny. He gives strength to the fainting; for the wear He makes vigor abound."
- Isaiah 40:12,18,28-30

Lovely Lady

I saw this painting at the art museum and I've thought back to it often the past few days. Mary is kneeling, praying, with book in hand which is open to Isaiah 7:14 " A young woman is with child and she will bear a son." I love this painting. Mary is prepared; waiting for whatever God wills for her life. She is so humble, submissive and full of love. She is so lovely!!

The Annunciation - Veronese

Here's a link to the art museum's page on this painting.

Confession

I wrote the first stanza before confession and the second one after. I was going to add more but I think I'll leave it short and simple.

 Your mighty hand, so gentle,

Reaching out to me,

Beckons me for healing,

For You to set me free.

It is not for judgment 

Nor punishment, O Lord,

But cleansing, loving dearly,

You are ever giving more.

My Shelter

My best friend turned these old lyrics of mine:


The fire of Your great love
Has warmed my cold and frightened soul,
Scarred from battles
And lost without a home.

I have fallen too ashamed to seek You out.
Yet part of me still hopeful cries,

Father, my shelter, my all.
I know that I'm not worthy
But in Your love answer my call

Capture me in Your embrace,
Surround me with Your arms.
Only then am I at peace,
Completely safe from harm.

(Repeat chorus)

Your burning love has warmed my guarded heart x3

(Repeat Chorus)

into this song :

http://soundcloud.com/matthew-doh/my-shelter-lyrics-by-elizabeth


It just makes me so happy when these things come together for His glory :)

Temptation ≠ Sin

Hey! I just wanted to share a post I just wrote for my other blog:
All for Jesus, through Mary, with a Smile: Temptation ≠ Sin: I was reading a chapter of a book by St.Frances de Sales which was focused on temptation vs actually sinning. He said that even if a soul wa...

four little things

On the Death of his Daughter by: Cotton Mather

The dearest Lord of Heaven gave

Himself an offering once for me:

The dearest thing on earth I have,

Now, Lord, I'll offer unto Thee.

I see my best enjoyments here,

Are loans, and flowers, and vanities;

Ere well enjoy'd they disappear:

Vain smoke, they prick and leave our eyes.

But I believe, O glorious Lord,

That when I seem to lose these toys,

What's lost will fully be restor'd

In glory, with eternal joys.

I do believe, that I and mine,

Shall come to everlasting rest;

Because, blest Jesus, we are Thine,

And with Thy promises are blest.

I do believe the every bird

Of mine, which to the ground shall fall,

Does fall at Thy kind will and word,

Nor I, nor it, is hurt at all.

Now my believing soul does hear

This among the glad angels told; 

I know thou dost thy Maker fear,

From whom thou nothing dost withhold! 

I love this poem so very much. It is just so beautiful! It expresses so well this man's emotions and his total surrender to God's will in his life and trust that everything is in His wonderful plan for the benefit of every beloved creature.

Wonder v.s Worry

"Are you content to leave things to God?" That line stuck me as I was reading a devotional today. It seems like it would be what is easiest; it seems that we would easily shake off worries and leave them to the God of the universe.. but it's hard. We want control. Wanting that control, however, shows a lack of trust. We are more comfortable with handling things in our own flawed ways than turning them over to our flawless God. Seems kind of silly, right? It's not evil to worry about things, it's only wrong to worry past a certain point...actually, maybe it's okay to "wonder" and harmful to "worry". Rather than worrying about how we're going to accomplish some future task (like,ya know, paying off college loans...oi.) one should feel at peace knowing that there is something bigger than that. There is a plan and a God governing the universe from the beginning of time until it's end. So, we could wonder how this will work out but trust that everything will be alright. St. Francis said something to the effect of "By the worries and anxieties in this life Satan dulls our souls and claims us as his."

There is also such a freedom in dying to oneself. To not care so much for material well being but only care for the good of the soul. For example, if I became a homeless bum on the street, sure it's not great if I want material goods, but it might be better for my soul. Maybe God is keeping me from temptations of greed and granting me a gift by allowing me to be in poverty in this world as He was. After all, Jesus lived in poverty and suffered greatly while on this earth - why would I deserve any better?

"Say not "I will repay evil!" Trust in the Lord and He will help you." - Proverbs 20:22

Joy and Suffering

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal which comes upon you to prove you, as thought something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. If one suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but under that name the him glorify God."

 - 1 Peter 4:12-14, 17

I have heard that phrase "share in Christ's suffering" quite often but never really took the time to think about what it meant. Suffering it truly wonderful. Think of a rock tumbler; rough rocks are put in and are then smashed and rubbed against each other repeatedly. The process can take a few weeks but once it is finished the rocks which were once hard, rough and ugly are now polished and revealed as the gems that they are. 
Similarly with suffering, we may feel beaten down and bashed around but what is really happening is a purification. Ugly parts are breaking off, rubbing away and we are being refined. Suffering can reveal to us who we truly are.If suffering was purposeless then Christ would not have used it as the tool for our redemption. He who is Purity itself, He who cannot be purified, underwent awful trials not for His benefit but for the sake of a world so desperately in need of purity. Offering our sufferings up to Christ is just a little way to say "You suffered for me, I'll suffer for You." Speak to Him. Admit to Him that the task you are faced with is unpleasant but resolve to face it bravely and cheerfully and so offer it up to Him. Suffering redeemed us, suffering refines us, so rejoice!

simplicity.

I was listening to this song and the opening lyrics just made me think "Ya know, it is really so simple."

"I'm not satisfied in this lifetime

I'm following you to the other side

There's nothing that can change my mind

You're all I need.

 

You're the only tie that binds my heart

Away from you I'm falling apart

We need to be closer than we are

You're all I need."