Detox.

A mug of tea in hand, too-long sweatpants, and a beautifully cool summer night always brings me peace of heart because I realize (or remember) that the world is just so much bigger than me and my stresses. I listen to the crickets chirp and think, "They don't have a care in the world. O how wonderful to fulfill your end so easily..."
The world is so much bigger than me. The wind swirls and caresses everything in it's path, the trees grow ever taller, creatures are content in survival and rest, the sky is bigger than I could ever wrap my mind around and the tiny star I see is really a huge fire-ball (or as Google just told me "A fixed luminous point in the night sky that is a large, remote incandescent body like the sun.") millions of miles away. And here I am. Sitting, admiring, soaking in this brilliant creation around me -- this creation that has existed before me and will continue to exist after me. I am so little in comparison to the vast history surrounding me, but, for some reason I am meant to be here in the midst of it all. And that is reason enough for me to breathe, smile, and keep on battling each and every day to be who I am meant to be.

Faceless.

"Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?” 

― C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

How can we do anything until we have faces? Until one grasps who he is, what he loves, how he works, how can he give himself truly to anything or anyone? "Know thyself" the pre-Socratics advise but how often we ignore this common-sense suggestion.
When we begin to hide behind all of our different masks to please others, we begin to lose who we truly are. "Am I the pious philosophy student? The air-head kid? The skirt wearing girl? That Catholic girl? The athlete? The protector? Writer? Failure?" There is no need to wear these many masks. You are who you are with all of your many facets and interests. Instead of changing masks -- personas -- many times a day reach deep, find yourself. Be no longer faceless, hiding behind a variety of masks, each just telling a only little portion of who you are or being false entirely, but be strong in who you are. 
Be yourself and live (as cheesy and cliche as it sounds) free from other's expectations and judgements. Living your life to please others not only brings pain but smothers diversity and open-mindedness. Pursue goodness, stand up for your beliefs, stay strong and you will attract people who love you for your whole self -- not just a mask. Until you fully grasp who you are and "have a face" how can you truly give of yourself or truly connect with another human being?

...or with your Creator? Run to Him. Speak to Him. He knows you, He has always known you and will forever know you. He will help you find who you are: your purpose, your end, your heart and soul. Let Him in.

Honestly,

Those moments when you're so broken that you cannot even form the words to tell Him, entreat Him, beg Him for aide... Those moments when you are at such a dead end that you are left with the only choice of raising your mind, eyes, soul to your God and soak up His goodness, letting it fill your emptiness... Those are not times to feel ashamed but rather rejoice! You who should be last, the weakest, so shattered, has been loved beyond measure and is known by the Kings of kings. 

dark&light

“Death opens a door out of a little, dark room (that's all the life we have known before it) into a great, real place where the true sun shines and we shall meet.” 

― C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

haters gonna hate

One of my biggest pet peeves is the misconception of what sin is. "Sin" is not one of a list of things to tell you "no" and make your life harder. Avoiding sin is a way of life that will lead you to live the happiest life possible -- the way that will best fulfill your nature. The Church, like a good mother, makes these things known to us so that we can live well. That's it. It's for happiness, freedom and fulfillment. Simple.

Logic of Love

"Dear friends, with great confidence I entrust you to the intercession of Mary Most Holy.  She is the Mother who helps us to take life decisions freely and without fear.  May she help you to bear witness to the joy of God’s consolation, without being afraid of joy, she will help you to conform yourselves to the logic of love of the Cross, to grow in ever deeper union with the Lord in prayer.  Then your lives will be rich and fruitful!  Amen. "

The logic of love. BEAUTIFUL. 

The logic of it all has helped me through so many rough patches. Once you accept certain basic premises into your life it all flows so well. For example:

Me: "I'm worthless."

I: "Nope, you were brought into existence on purpose. God had a reason and a plan. He doesn't make mistakes. Are you saying He's not perfect?"

Me: "Noo...but He didn't give me any worthwhile gifts. I don't do anything. I can't be of value..."

I: "Then why'd He die for you? Huh? He brought you into being knowing you'd mess up. Nothing forced Him create you. He wanted you knowing you would mess up. Are you saying there was something He didn't know? He is perfect, ya know..."

Me: "Yeah.. well... maybe He'll just forget about me cuz I'm such a screw up."

I: "Oh, perfect. So, He made you, breathed life into you, died for you, and then just changed His mind. Oh, but did we forget He doesn't do that because that would imply He messed up before.. which He can't because He's perfect.."

Me: "...fine..."

I: "Say it!

Me: "He loves me..alot and will never ever give up on me."

I: ":D"

And it only follows logically to love the cross -- that thing which brought about our salvation and gives us chances here on earth to better and purify ourself and give Him testaments of our love. It's beautiful. It's logical. It's truth.

Let Yourself be Loved

 "Every Christian, and especially you and I, is called to be a bearer of this message of hope that gives serenity and joy: God’s consolation, his tenderness towards all.  But if we first experience the joy of being consoled by him, of being loved by him, then we can bring that joy to others.  This is important if our mission is to be fruitful: to feel God’s consolation and to pass it on to others!  I have occasionally met consecrated persons who are afraid of the consolations of God, and … the poor things, they were tormented, because they are of this divine tenderness. But be not afraid. Do not be afraid, because the Lord is the Lord of consolation, he is the Lord of tenderness. The Lord is a Father and he says that he will be for us like a mother with her baby, with a mother’s tenderness. Do not be afraid of the consolations of the Lord."

-Pope Francis' homily -- Sunday July 7th,2012

Awake&Alive

Today I felt alive. I didn't feel lost, hopeless, weighed down, anxious or smothered -- I felt an anticipation and excitement for no known thing and a deep rooted feeling of sweet peace. I had loads of work to do but I felt alive. Why? Prayer. Finally broken from the cage of dry, senseless prayer (rather, a lack of), I am slowly but surely beginning to feel again. To feel the tugs on my heart, the lightness of mind and presence of soul and Savior. Prayer unites us to reality -- the the One who is Truth (that which is real) itself. Everything else falls into place.

"Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. 

Amen."

Shameless Re-Blog {Rain}

All for Jesus, through Mary, with a Smile: Rain :): It really is those little things, those simple pleasures that can turn your whole day, week, month or year around.  Let me tell you a littl...

#honesty

Brutal honesty here guys:  I go through lots of times of doubt and this week was especially bad. It was one of those weeks where I was fighting with what freedom is. "Well, if I wasn't Catholic I would get to do that... I wouldn't have to worry about this." But after every lament I would give myself a mental slap "No, no, you know that's not true" I know that true freedom is being able to say yes to the good and not be controlled by the evil. It is an ability to say yes, not obeying restrictions. The Catholic way is filled of trails of saying no, but this is not to deject or beat you in to the ground. No. It is to break the earthly, base chains holding you down and each 'no' raises, purifies, and shapes you in to who you were meant to be -- not of this world. But, with that said, with every mental slap I got more and more tired so by the end of the week it became a weak "Hey, no..."
So, because I slept through the 10am, I went to the 8pm Mass yesterday. Confession: I had been dreading it and wrestling my feelings about it all day but 8pm rolled around, I walked in the church and felt..peace. I felt that this is where I belong, this is where everything makes sense. The first reading fit in so perfectly for me ( Isaiah 66: 10-14) : 

"Thus says the LORD:

Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad because of her,

all you who love her;

exult, exult with her,

all you who were mourning over her!

Oh, that you may suck fully

of the milk of her comfort,

that you may nurse with delight

at her abundant breasts!

For thus says the LORD:

Lo, I will spread prosperity over Jerusalem like a river,

and the wealth of the nations like an overflowing torrent.

As nurslings, you shall be carried in her arms,

and fondled in her lap;

as a mother comforts her child,

so will I comfort you;

in Jerusalem you shall find your comfort.

When you see this, your heart shall rejoice

and your bodies flourish like the grass;

the LORD’s power shall be known to his servants."

I took this passage very loosely and took it to mean the Church as the mother, the one who will carry you in her arms as the heavenly mother on earth during this journey. The part that spoke of your heart rejoicing and bodies flourishing I took to mean the Eucharist that nourishes and bring true Joy into our hearts. 

Just some musings and ramblings. God bless.

Come All you Weary

I went in to the adoration chapel today for the first time in a couple of months, went to the kneeler and began trying to pray -- trying to think of the right things to say: the things that would stir my heart and be sufficient praise and thanks. I tried as hard as I could to block out the battering outside thoughts continually darting through my weary guard and interrupting my prayer. This battle was soon lost. I leaned forward over the pew, inhaled, exhaled and simply...was. 

I spend so much time trying to fight for You and stand up for You. My heart and mind ache and grow weary at the injustice, lies, anger and hatred for You. Now that I come before You -- really truly You -- do I let myself be with Love? Do I sit in the presence of the One for whom I ache and fight? No, I continue fighting to say the right thing to You, to say the magic phrase that will stir my heart for You, be pleasing to You, or I just worry and sigh over the injustices that irk me so. You have asked, invited, wanted to weary to come to You and find their rest -- You are. It is enough for me, at times, not to talk, not to ask, apologize, or praise, but to simply be.