#honesty

Brutal honesty here guys:  I go through lots of times of doubt and this week was especially bad. It was one of those weeks where I was fighting with what freedom is. "Well, if I wasn't Catholic I would get to do that... I wouldn't have to worry about this." But after every lament I would give myself a mental slap "No, no, you know that's not true" I know that true freedom is being able to say yes to the good and not be controlled by the evil. It is an ability to say yes, not obeying restrictions. The Catholic way is filled of trails of saying no, but this is not to deject or beat you in to the ground. No. It is to break the earthly, base chains holding you down and each 'no' raises, purifies, and shapes you in to who you were meant to be -- not of this world. But, with that said, with every mental slap I got more and more tired so by the end of the week it became a weak "Hey, no..."
So, because I slept through the 10am, I went to the 8pm Mass yesterday. Confession: I had been dreading it and wrestling my feelings about it all day but 8pm rolled around, I walked in the church and felt..peace. I felt that this is where I belong, this is where everything makes sense. The first reading fit in so perfectly for me ( Isaiah 66: 10-14) : 

"Thus says the LORD:

Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad because of her,

all you who love her;

exult, exult with her,

all you who were mourning over her!

Oh, that you may suck fully

of the milk of her comfort,

that you may nurse with delight

at her abundant breasts!

For thus says the LORD:

Lo, I will spread prosperity over Jerusalem like a river,

and the wealth of the nations like an overflowing torrent.

As nurslings, you shall be carried in her arms,

and fondled in her lap;

as a mother comforts her child,

so will I comfort you;

in Jerusalem you shall find your comfort.

When you see this, your heart shall rejoice

and your bodies flourish like the grass;

the LORD’s power shall be known to his servants."

I took this passage very loosely and took it to mean the Church as the mother, the one who will carry you in her arms as the heavenly mother on earth during this journey. The part that spoke of your heart rejoicing and bodies flourishing I took to mean the Eucharist that nourishes and bring true Joy into our hearts. 

Just some musings and ramblings. God bless.