fearless

Today was an amazing, boundary-breaking, limit-pushing kind of day. I went on a trip with three friends from work to explore caves and wander around the woods. This trip, however, had been causing me some internal debate and anxiety. On the one hand, I knew that we would be doing things I was afraid to do but, on the other favored hand, I knew it was something I wanted to do because I was afraid. I'm scared of the dark unknown of caves and forests but I wanted to get over it so that I could enjoy the beauty within them.
I pushed through these minor fears feeling pretty proud and then came... heights. Fun fact about me is that I am wholly, irrationally, irrevocably afraid of heights. "Escalators and tall buildings make me cry" afraid of heights. It's bad. So as we were climbing around and exploring these caves there came a point where we had to jump from one ledge to another which looked easy enough until my flashlight lit up the drop below. I froze. My heart started beating faster and fear gripped my entire body -- there was no way I could possibly go further...but I did. With some coaxing and hand holding I got across both ways and (obviously) didn't die (to my great surprise.)
After a cave or two we took a short respite on a cliff overlooking the forest -- with a gentle breeze swaying the trees it was absolutely gorgeous. I pulled out my journal and wrote:
"That moment when you feel fear grip your heart and all you want to do is pull away is the moment you are able to push yourself as a person. Why be afraid? The spider will touch you, so what? Why let your fears control your life? You are capable of so much more than you think. The world is filled with so many possibilities and chances -- take them! Be free. Be alive. See the amazing world we have been given in full."
If I hadn't gone I would have missed out on a beautiful moss covered haven of a place with a gentle, clear, untainted stream running through it. It had a truly magical feel.

Or these caves! Scared out of my mind but so much fun to climb around and explore.

 Or this jaw-droppingly gorgeous river. We made our way to the rock you see in the photos and -- worn out from climbing and hiking -- all stretched out and basked in the sun, lulled by the sounds of the river, for the good part of an hour.

photo credit all goes to Matt Evans (the instigator of the trip)

When I am immersed in nature, I am immersed in God. I think of saints like Pier Giorgio Frassati who scaled mountains and climbed trees all the while being a brilliant, fierce defender of his God and his Faith. So, I guess my point of this post is to encourage any one who reads this to take the risk -- to push your body and mind to new capabilities and explore this brilliant, beautiful created world.